Girls, Girls, Girls

Recent Conversation

M: Do you know why sunflowers are called sunflowers?

Me: Because they look like the sun?

M: No (as if it's obvious that looking like the sun could NEVER be the reason), it's because they need the sun to grow.

Newsletter: March 2008

My Beautiful Girls,

Once again, March has proven to be a month of milestones for both of you.

E, you have spent most of March cooing and talking. Your cute little smile comes out when you pull your head down and shoulders up. It's fleeting and has yet to be captured on either a still or video camera, but the attempt continues. Your talking ranges from little peeps and squeaks to full on dialogue with who or whatever catches your fancy. You've also been known to talk with your mouth full (e.g., still nursing and not having the courtesy to detach yourself from my breast before making comments). Mommy would really appreciate all comments regarding food be submitted in triplicate to the appropriate authority.

Your favorite activity has been looking at your hands and trying so desperately to get your thumb in your mouth. In a side-lying position, you bring your hands up and stare at them intently. In an upward or other forward position, you like to move/wave your hands around in a way that reminds me of your Grandpa T when he's telling a story.

March has also been the month of trying a schedule. Once we achieved 100% nursing! (more on that in a future post), Mommy has been trying to regulate your eating, playing, sleeping cycle. Unfortunately, we're going to have to teach you to put yourself to sleep, but that is for in the next couple weeks, in the meanwhile, we're just trying to get you to sleep in the daytime. You, like your sister before you, are not such a great daytime napper. You have been, however, going to sleep between 8:00 p.m. and 9:00 p.m. and sleeping until 7:00 the next morning (I do get you up to eat around 11:00 p.m., but you sleep and eat).

Until we figured out your nighttime routine, your sleeping process was having Daddy march you through the house. We even created a dirge for him to hum along as he (and sometimes Mommy) performed the March. Many times, you tricked us into thinking you were ready to be placed in your bed only to look down at you and to see your eyes wide open at us as if to say, "You weren't really thinking you were done, did you?"

The final thing is that now that you have given up (for the time being) the 3:00 AM feeding and play time, I have to say that I miss that time. I used that time that you were awake to tidy your room, write thank you notes, and other assorted tasks. I also checked on your sister and made the rounds of the house, enjoying the quiet while everyone was asleep. One night, however, you fell back to sleep while nursing and while I held you, you quietly snuffled. Then, from across the hall, your sister started talking in her sleep, Daddy began snoring louder, and Bailey began whining. It was quite a cacophony in the middle of the night. I smiled and was grateful to be up at 3:00 AM to hear it, but don't necessarily need to hear it again on a regular basis.

As for you my darling M, you have changed so much this month. It's amazing to me that as a parent I miss the all the small moments that add up into one in which I see you in a whole new way and you redefine yourself. For example, most of the time when we go out to restaurants, you'd prefer it if Daddy or I ordered for you. One afternoon, you and I had been to get your haircut. Because we had other things going on, I called Daddy to see if he wanted to meet us downtown for dinner. He did, so we arranged to meet him and E there. You and I arrived and discussed dinner choices while we waited for Daddy and E. Once everyone arrived, the waitress came to take our order. When I confirmed with you what you wanted, you said to me, "No Mom, I'll order," and proceeded to do so as if you'd been practicing it. You were well-spoken, polite, poised, and sure of your choices. It was amazing to see how so many previous moments came together for that dinner.

You've also spent the month becoming even more self-sufficient. Mommy and Daddy put your breakfast out for you the night before so you don't have to wait for one of us (usually mommy is feeding E) in the morning. We've also been asking you to be more responsible for yourself by putting your laundry away. While you don't like putting yours away, you do often help me put E's away. I think it's your way of sizing up which clothes may be coming available to your dolls.

This was a milestone month for Daddy and I when we went and registered you for kindergarten. We've been talking about how we'll practice walking to school this summer and all the fun things that you'll do, but it was a bittersweet moment when we dropped off the paperwork. We have other informational meetings later this spring/early summer, but registering you feels like the first step towards a breakneck rush towards college. Now that it's here, it feels as if you will be gone so quickly and I just want to grab you and make time stand still. At the same time, though, you are endlessly fascinating to me and I'm so interested in what your friends will be like as you get older, what kinds of experiences you'll have, the impact of peers, etc. all the life changes that will help shape you.

March was also the month that you completed a 100 piece puzzle all by yourself. You've always been really good with puzzles, completing 24 piece puzzles when you were two. They (24 piece puzzles) were a great entertainment (and old hat by then) when we were in Nashville. Since then, you've progressed to more challenging pictures with more pieces. Usually, though, you've asked for help with the ones that are 100 pieces. So a couple mornings ago (3/31), you went to play and eat breakfast while I fed E. You told me you were working on a puzzle and, after a little while, you told me to come see you. When I did, I found you smiling and the puzzle complete. Since then, you've continued to work on puzzles with very little help from Dad or I. Sitting by is easier for Daddy but it bums me out because I love puzzles. I remember having a puzzle set up on a card table, especially during the winter. Perhaps this will be a future activity for us.

Finally, we were able to see and show off you both off during the Easter Holiday. E met her great grandma and various great aunts and uncles as well as her Aunt Birdie. A combination of E's feeding schedule, various illnesses (ours, theirs), crappy and cold weather, and our crazy February appointments made it really difficult to get out. Everyone was happy to see both of you and Daddy and I loved showing off our girls.

Love,
Mommy

Talking to the Animals

I know I'm due for a monthly newsletter and I have many other posts I'd like to write, but a quickie to tie us over.

E loves her room. I've posted pictures before of some of the artwork that my friend R did. One I didn't post was of a cross-stitched afghan that my mom did when M was born (the room was originally M's). We finally hung the afghan when we readied the room for E. Anyway, E looks at many elements of the room, but especially the wall hanging which is behind the chair when I nurse (the room has been moved around since the pictures below) and it's not uncommon for her to really stare at it when she can see it.

Tonight, as I was nursing, I was holding her on my left in the football hold, where she's positioned along my side with her feet behind me. Towards the end of the feeding, she'd stop nursing, turn and look at it for a few moments, then return to nursing. Twice, she felt the need to also smile, gurgle, and coo at it. She's a mystery.

Green

Pink

Awkward

So, here's the deal:

Under what circumstances do we tell people outside our intimate circle of friends and family about E's Down Syndrome? These would be co-workers, casual acquaintances, in other words, people we may not know well (or with whom we're reconnecting) but who would touch our lives in some way.

Here's why I ask:

1. We don't (and wouldn't ) introduce family members or describe them with an, "Oh, that's my wife, she limps." (I don't, but you get the idea). Why should E's diagnosis merit preemptive mentioning?
   
2. There will be enough preconceived notions about what a child with DS will (not) be able to do, why trigger these in someone who won't really have any personal interaction with her or us? The DS is just one part of who she is and what she will be able to do.
   
3. When we tell people, we have to deal with their baggage about it, not just their preconceptions about Down Syndrome and what it means. Mostly, telling has been a positive experience with people sharing stories about people they know with DS and so on. We have, though, had some reactions from within the intimate circle where we ended up defending and justifying our decision. We know that we will have to educate people about the realities of DS, but we expected support and understanding. When we didn't receive it from those closest to us, it's made us a little defensive about telling others who don't know us. Why take on someone else's baggage about the decision when we have our own?
4. If we don't tell up front and the person later finds out, will we ruin an opportunity to connect with someone as I did when I told M's dance teacher? In telling, I found out that the studio's owners have been thinking about offering a dance class for kids with special needs. Yay!
5. If we don't tell up front, will the person feel like we're hiding it or are ashamed of E? I tend to err on the side of telling people up front so that if they see us, there's no question or awkwardness as they try to figure out if she has something wrong* with her. She has obvious physical characteristics of Down Syndrome, but without stating it clearly, people may wonder.
   *not that there is anything wrong, just that she's not genetically perfect. She's perfect to us just the way she is.
6. Even though we don't want to make a big deal about it, at the same time, it is a factor in our lives and in controlling who is told and how allows us to control the message, as it were.
   

For me, I think the situation will have to determine how/if the person is told.

Family Newsletter: February 2008

Editor's note: I've opted to change to monthly vs age by month (e.g. 2 mo for E and 57 mo for M) title because it's too hard to keep track. Ergo, this is the February recap. I'll also be trying to post the newsletter at the end of the month.

My Beautiful Girls,

This has been a very busy month for all of us, but especially you E. You've spent a lot of time in the car as we follow-up the outstanding items from your time in the NICU and general preventive medical issues. Your hearing is normal (we think), your hips are fine, and you continue to gain weight well.

All our time hasn't been spent in the car, though. Your personality continues to emerge with every alert period (usually the 45 minutes after eating) when you like to wiggle and look around you. We have a musical light that you enjoy gazing upon as well as various other brightly colored or contrasting objects. You wave feet and hands vigorously and are especially drawn by things that are red.

You've begun "talking" to us. You have a number of sounds you make including one frantic little laugh when facing the bottle and a funny coo when you want to talk. You also smiled at me one day, then at dad a few days later. You have a beautiful smile and you gave me such a big one for your first time. I was half convinced that it was just an involuntary one (which you do when you're sleeping), but then dad came into your room with you a few days later and told me that you smiled for him!

Other firsts this month were that you're beginning to find your hand and I'm convinced that you will suck your thumb like your sister does; you've had your first baby massage (good for weight gain and general well-being); and you've had your first cold. We also had our first assessment with Early Intervention and so far, you're developing as you should, which was good to hear because you are so strong and curious that it's hard to see where you have developmental delays.

You're very determined to be in the position that you prefer. If awake, you prefer to be held cradle style so that you can see what is happening. When I am nursing you, if I've put you on my shoulder or laid you on my chest for burping, you will start bobbing your head towards my breast if you're still hungry. It looks like those birth videos where they put the baby on the mom's stomach and the baby begins working its way towards the breast. You totally do the same thing. When you're awake, but quiet, you'll maneuver yourself into a position so that you can gaze up at me. You look at me as if I were a rock star, while I gaze upon you and think how beautiful you are and how much I love you. When we're having our Mutual Admiration Society meetings, I am reassured that I will be okay as your mom.

While you've been experiencing all sorts of firsts, your sister has become The Authority on all things about you. In fact, yesterday when asked who was in charge of you, M answered, "You, Me, and Daddy." When I asked again who was in charge of you, M answered the same. I told her that she was, in fact, not in charge of you; that it was just Daddy and me. M also likes to expound on why you have to stay in your car seat (for safety and it doesn't matter if you like it or not) and other manners of your care (e.g., burping, dressing, etc). Anything we share with M gets incorporated into her Big Sister responsibilities as far as she's concerned.

M, your first this month was the cavity you had filled. Needless to say, it was traumatic for all of us, not only because a cavity just sucks, but because our dentist wasn't the most patient with your fears. We'll be looking for a pediatric dentist for your future visits and will not expose you to his insensitivity. It's not that he is a bad dentist, but I think that because of your poise and maturity, that it's easy to forget that you're not quite five. Four does not have the skills to understand that postponing a tantrum will help get the job done faster. Regardless, this was one situation where I felt like I failed you for not protecting you and being a stronger advocate for what I knew you needed versus what he was providing. For that, I'm sorry honey.

You continue to be fascinated by lists and forms. Thank goodness for the people who bring scrap paper to schools because their outdated purchase orders, with their tables of numbers and products, are like manna to you. You pretend they are your homework and you complete them by lining through each item in various colors which indicate who will/will not be attending your birthday party. There have been a couple times where my presence was in question until I informed you that as Daddy & I will be paying for said party, we'd definitely be in attendance.

You also write page after page of names. In fact, one morning you and Daddy filled a half dozen or so of 5 x 7 cards with lists of things such as: Names People M Doesn't Know; Names of People M Does Know; Foods M will Eat, etc. Since the beginning of the month, though, you've progressed from asking us to spell out names of our family members and your school friends to being able to spell many of them by yourself. You find these lists to be treasures and it's been difficult to dissuade you when you've wanted to gift them to your school teachers or a favored dance teacher. Luckily, we've made the policy that we only give pictures and not lists which seems to have stopped you for now, but I'm sure you'll come up with some exception that will tax my brain to find a counter argument for.

You continue to process the changes in our family through various play scenarios. A few days ago, all Barbie Island Princess Mommy was nursing one of the babies. Then, this morning, as I was nursing E, you informed me you were going to feed your baby from your boobs. You then went in your room, returned to E's room with Sarah (one of the Fisher Price dolls), sat down on the floor, lifted your shirt and fed Sarah. I have to say, you had good technique, especially when you burped her.

There are some bittersweet moments with you as you make plans for you and E when you are big. One night, you said to me that you had a secret to tell E. Then you whispered in her ear (which I could totally hear), "I'll love you forever." You also told me one night that you'll probably get married first because you're the biggest. It's hard, sometimes, realizing that we've made a decision that will impact you, but Daddy and I hope that your compassionate and loving nature will continue and that you'll see how empty our lives would be without each other in it.

Lastly, this has been a big month because Daddy went back to work about midway through. While in one sense it was nice to resume our lives and learn what changes come from having two kids. In the other sense, though, there are holes in my day when Daddy is at work and M is at school. I look forward to the best time of day when we're all home together.

Love,
Mommy

Snow Birthday Cakes

What M does when helping Big Daddy shovel snow.













Mine is the green one!

Fat Lip

Meredith had her first cavity filled today. The dentist told her that the numb juice (Novocaine) would make her lip feel fat. The entire way home, I heard about how her lip hurt (from the numbness), between talking about the tractor trailer that was overturned and what movie we would watch when we arrived home. Then, the following exchanges happened:

M: Will daddy see my fat lip?

Me: Oh no honey, it only feels fat because it's sleeping like your tooth. It's not actually fat. It looks just the same.

********************************

M: It hurts and it feels like it's gonna have surgery.

Me: Your lip hurts and it feels like it's gonna have surgery?

M: [crying] Yes.

Me: I'm sorry to hear that.

[Pause]

M: Mom, what's surgery?