Blondie

E joined us Tuesday (1/2/08) at 4:25 p.m. 6 lb 12 oz, 20 1/2 inches.

She's a beautiful blond hair, blue eyed girl, something I'd never dreamed of having. If I hadn't seen her come out of me (TMI, I know), I would never have thought I'd have a blond hair baby. I've since learned that blondness runs on T's side of the family and that his dad (Opa) was a towhead in his youth. (As an aside, I would mention that lighthearted comments about postmen or other innuendos about paternity aren't really appreciated by an hours old postpartum mama who takes her marriage seriously, but this is about E. We'll address that on another day).

She's absolutely wonderful, although we've had a tough few days. She remains at the hospital in the NICU for various complications (jaundice, high red blood cell count) most of which have been successfully treated. We only have to teach her to eat from a bottle (nursing will come soon, I hope) so that she can come home. I was able to come home tonight while T. went back to the hospital until bedtime. We'll continue to trade-off time between the girls, home and the hospital until we're all home. Hopefully, this will only take a few days. If you know of any special deities for nipple feeding to whom we can offer prayers, please let us know. [smile]

We were able to have M come up an meet her sister on Wednesday evening. T said she was a foot off the ground when he picked her up to come to the hospital and two feet off the ground when he took her home. She was really devastated when she couldn't come up last (Thursday) night because of NICU restrictions, but we're hoping to take her over the weekend. T and I will be alternating our time at home with M. and the hospital with E. I can't tell you how desperately we're looking forward to having everyone home. It's a fairly horrible sensation of emptiness to be home without E., but also being at the hospital without M. We know, however, that to get E. home and to stay, she needs this time in the NICU. Sucky as that may be, we are still really lucky. One of her nurses told us this morning when we went to see her that she and the other nurses spent time holding her because they rarely get the "fluffy ones." Compared to many of the other babies in the NICU, E is a giant and has very little wrong with her. Put into perspective, T and I will take these challenges, thank you very much. Of course, I'd probably be more believable if I didn't keep crying from both the joy and the heartache.

Thinking about the Miracle

As one may imagine, we've had a range of responses to E's Down Syndrome. Heck, T & I have have range of responses. As mentioned in our Family FAQ (see sidebar), the hardest part of telling people is that we never know what type of response we'll receive. By far and large, responses have been amazingly supportive, encouraging, and reassuring. Occasionally, though, we've encountered responses that we hope come from a lack of understanding or knowledge. As neither of our families have ever had a family member (to our knowledge) with DS or other birth defect, there hasn't been an opportunity to know the full range of abilities that these kids have.

The responses that are the hardest, are those when the respondent hopes for a miracle or for prayers that the DS will not be part of our lives. My visceral, mama bear response is indignation to the perceived insensitivity that chromosomal abnormalities are fixable. It's also the equivalent of the "I-can-say-what-I-want-about-my-family-member-but-woe-to outsiders-who-attack-them" response. Appreciating the prayers of those who are praying for us to have strength and grace to meet any demands, I try for understanding and recognize that the intent is for us, their loved ones, to be spared any heartache and distress. There's also a part of that tries for understanding because the responses are not anything that I haven't thought myself. E's DS is not something that we would have picked, and in my ignorance, I intellectually know that our lives will still be rich, but there's still fear of the unknown.

I've been thinking about this conflicting or dichotomy of my responses. It struck me the other day, that perhaps when people hope for the miracle that E is "fixed," that they're missing the point. Perhaps the true miracle is that T & I will be changed because of this experience. This, I think is what the real miracle will be.

Disadvantages of the Modern Dad

Me: "Oh look, Cinderella Barbie is doing a headstand."

Him: "Yes, at the end of our Barbie playing, we had a little headstand contest."

Me: "Very nice."

Him: "Frankly, after so much time, I'm at a loss about what to do with Barbie."

Now We Wait

As we begin to approach E’s B-Day, some random thoughts keep popping into my head:

1. Things I will miss about pregnancy:

· Knowing that E is as safe as she’ll ever be

· Not having to share her with anyone (I’m a selfish mama J)

· This is probably the last time I’ll ever have a life inside me again

2. Things I will not miss about pregnancy:

· Questions in the last weeks about any news – if you call and ask if there’s a baby yet, be prepared for scathing response

· Stupid comments about the tax break if E comes before the end of the year (Note: 1) the IRS prorates the tax rates. This is the government people, they’re not stupid. They know how to get their money; 2) Like the tax break is the sole reason to have kids. Riiiggght!)

· Assumption that I want this over with sooner rather than later - I think Mother Nature has a plan and I’m in no rush to have E here before her time. I take some comfort in knowing that there is an end game, I just don’t know when it will begin.

· The heartburn, I will not miss that

· Or the nausea, that too will not be missed

3. This pregnancy has been very different emotionally and physically than the first. Good difference from this one include:

· Being able to sleep in my bed! Not always comfortably, but at least able to lie flat. With Peeps, I was sleeping in a La-Z-Boy at month 5. On the flip side, I miss sleeping in the nursery. Somehow, it feels like that when I was sleeping in Peeps’ room, some magic mama powers infused the room with love and protection.

· Less weight gain which helps in moving about

· Once again blessed with a healthy pregnancy

· Better understanding of what I want from the birth experience

· A deeper appreciation for Big Daddy and all he contributes to the well-being of our family and how much he makes my life easy

Tender Family Moment

Sunday morning, snuggled in our bed

"When I get big and have my house, if there are spiders, I'm going to kill them."

With A Rush and a Push*

Hmm... As I was thinking about this blog post, this was the title, but as I wrote it I realized that those who are on BabyWatch2008 may misinterpret it. [grin]

Anyway, last week was unexpected as M had a little fever and a terrible cold. This means she got to have cartoons and movies (something she normally doesn't get except when traveling or sick). In turn, I was able to motor through a large knitting project that is due for the holidays. As we're not planning on going anywhere on Christmas Day, I was hoping to have this completed by the family celebration on 12/8.

So, last week, I slogged through the tedious parts - basically the parts where the pattern is no longer charming and it becomes a bit repetitive getting to the next fun section or completing the project entirely. As I made it to the top where the neck shaping is (something you'll have to go to Ravelry to see, I'm jennifermph), I realized what I really like about knitting....the end. It becomes a rush of anticipation to see if the hard work has accomplished what you intended. There's also a a point at which the knitting becomes a bit obsessive (for me) and I can't put it down until it's completed.

Currently, it's washed and block and just waiting for a solid dry before it is wrapped and gifted. As I questioned that I would complete it time, I'm pretty happy with the entire project.

For more details, see Ravelry projects - Kotan Poncho

Lessons learned from this project:

1. My sister-in-law is very patient - this was promised at least 18 months ago
2. Yarn has a mind of its own - the original yarn, which would also have been so beautiful for this project - did not want to be the Poncho. I cast on for this at least 15 times over the past year and a half and every time, something went wrong. When I changed to this lovely chunky wool, no problems and I think it will be more functional than the other.
3. I converted the project to be knitted in the round!
   
4. I learned to read a pattern that was a little vague with its descriptions.
   

*lyrics from The Smiths

What I Saw When I Woke

Lately, Peeps has been getting up and playing in her room before I am fully ready to be out of bed. One day a couple weeks ago, she called out to come see her. This is what I saw when I did.

She dressed in her Barbie Dancing Princess ensemble, black faux ballet slippers, velvet headband. She's holding Gabrielle who is dressed in a onsie that was slated to go to Little Peeps, but was filched by her big sister for her dolls.

Parenthood...well worth the price of admission.

The sparkly curtains

The last element of Peeps' room are the sparkly curtains for her windows. We added double rods so the light darkening curtains are behind while these are to the fore. We all like the effect a lot.

Is this too much?

Despite attempts to pair one or the other with a solid, I was told these match "because the flowers and butterflies were pink and purple." No arguing with that...

Catching Up

Life at Chez Bubela has been busy. Here are a few things that we've been doing:

1. Getting the girls' rooms ready. Here are some shots of Peeps' room. I have to add some for the sparkly curtains. We still have a few items for Little Peeps' room to finish before I post pictures.
Thank goodness we got the queen size bed, otherwise, where would Shawn (the bear), dollies, and friends sleep? Also, it's a great place for family snuggling.

New light and ceiling fan.

Bailey sleeping on the rainbow rug.

New lamp with cute model.

Can you tell pink is one of M's favorite colors?

2. Peeps is fascinated with one of my pregnancy books that has illustrations of the baby developing as well as how it grows inside the mommy. Here's a pictures. On Monday, she read "the baby book" at least 4 times by herself and at least twice with me. Funny Girl.

3. Conversation last night while snuggled together in bed:
"You know what Riley was doing today at school?"

"What?"

"She was being sassy"

"Really? We don't know anyone here who is ever sassy, do we?"

"No"

"No?"

giggling "Sometimes, I'm a little sassy. I'm just teasing."

4. New game called Switch - where M runs from one end of the living room to the other. A great game given we're not getting as much outdoor time. Especially fun when it involves snorting like a pig, walking like a duck, galloping like a horse.... we're only limited by our imaginations.