Stuff

1. Check out the Flickr photostream box. I've finally uploaded some family photos we took when E was 3 mo. old
2. This cracked me up -If you give a mom a minute
3. So did this - Pie Chart
   

Newsletter: April & May 2008 (M)

My Beautiful M,

I realized a few weeks ago that I hadn't written the April Newsletter and we were already half-way through May, so I decided to wait and do a combined letter. I decided to do a combined one for M, then one for E.

M, in the last two months, you have become a whole new person it seems. I don't know how many times I've thought to myself, "when did you learn to do that? who taught you that?" You love jumping and hopping and are constantly making noise of some sort. I think you take it as a personal affront to have silence so you fill it with tapping, jumping, banging, etc. You've also taken to singing your thoughts to your sister. Most times, the gist of the song is about how much you love her, will always love her, and how you'll never leave her. Unfortunately, I don't have a constant microphone and recorder on you because the songs are so sweet.

April was the month where you stopped naps. Yes, a month shy of 5 is when you finally said No to naps. It's been pretty successful, especially since your bedtime was moved earlier. On warm days when we've been able to be outside or days you've been at school, you're a lot more tired and the 5:00 - 7:00 time period can be a little dicey. As I've mentioned previously,
I was warned that Five could be emotional and a couple times a week, you have a major meltdown. In fact, part of the reason I am able to get this Newsletter written is because you went to bed at 6:45 tonight. You become inconsolable about some issue - tonight it was "if I could just do the puzzle, I could stop crying - and no amount of reasoning or assurance makes it better.

In the last few months (I think since before April), you've ended playing the music that I think we've used since you were a few months old. Sometimes you substitute a CD of audio recordings of books that Nana read last year, but most times, it's just quiet now. I miss hearing the music and, sometimes when you're restless, will put the music on hoping that its familiarity will calm your sleep.

Did I mention that you also like to make funny faces? Especially when taking your picture? It's pretty standard now that for every lovely series, we have one or two that looks like this.

The last few months have been a bonanza of fun and gifts due to your birthday. Your gifts and how you play with them reminded me to tell you about how you seem incapable of putting things back into their original container. This isn't a bad thing necessarily as you take Polly Pockets and put them in makeup cases or stuff purses with all sorts of non-purse related items. A salt shaker because a receptacle for beads, pretend money now lives in a hair caddy, etc. I'll have to mark some examples down because they're quite funny sometimes. When I ask about why you don't return something to it's original (and in my mind, proper) container, you always have a good excuse.

Some recent conversations
4/7/08

M: Mom, how do bumblebees have babies?

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4/26/08

M: How do the ants die? (this in response to the exterminator coming to remove the ants that were infesting our kitchen)

Me: Remember the stuff the guy sprayed? It has stuff that makes the ants die.

M: Yeah, then the ants take the stuff back and they cook it up like ants do, put it on a plate for their family and they eat it then they die.

Me: Yep

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At the kindergartener's patriotic program, while standing during the National Anthem:

M: This is like when we saw the people (waving hands) who were singing the song about the king with the blue pee.

Me: Yep it is

[Note, the people we were watching was the high school choir and they sang the Hallelujah Chorus from Handel's Messiah. I told M the story about why people stand for the Hallelujah Cho rus and that King George II had blue pee due to porphyria. (Actually, it was George III who had porphyria).]

April and May have been hard for me. I've been struggling trying to find a balance with you girls and although you may not understand for many years, creating a new identify for myself as a stay-at-home mom. I also suspect some hormonal/adjusting to the realities of how our life will be now with Sissy. I know I've been short, impatient, easily frustrated, and forgetful. I realized the other night when I was giving you a bath and we had a squirters fight how much we haven't laughed together. It was such a good moment for us and I'm going to work harder to have more moments of laughing with you. This doesn't mean that I will stop with the mom stuff, but I think we can find a way to do it with a little more fun.

I hope too, that now and years from now, you know that most of Mommy's frustration has nothing to do with anything that you have ever done and that Mommy loves you beyond all measure. I love our family more than I can ever say, which is why I keep trying to be the best Mommy for you and E. You are my beautiful, funny, smart girl and I am so happy to be your Mommy.

Love,
Mom

Rolling, Rolling, Rolling

E rolled over today. From her back to her tummy.

Then, while getting washed up for bed, Big Daddy got her to laugh.

Five

Who knew that going from this














to this



















Would take just a heartbeat?

Five. She's five today.

Five. I don't know where the time has gone. Yesterday, as I was changing E, M was there and we were talking about me working and having gone back to work after she was born. M asked, "Why did you go back to work?" and honestly, I don't know why I did. I realize now, staying home with E, how much I missed with M. Little things. Things I know I won't remember, but that still seem important today. The things that I despise about parenting is that you can't remember everything and that its gone too quickly. There were times during Four that I longed to reach Five, but now that it is here, I ache for Four once more. I remember, too, saying to T one day while holding E who was less than a month old, how I wanted to hold M at that age once more. Just once more to have the magic of her as a newborn. Unfortunately, this would become a slippery slope as I'd also want the once more of her as a 6 mo old, a 18 mo old, a 2 year old, etc. until we reach this vast age of five.

Five. It seems like such a milestone, but such a young one. As I wrote in the March Newsletter, we registered M for kindergarten this fall. Of course, T and I have been talking kindergarten up because it will be a change for her. I started thinking about the reality of walking her to school and leaving her every day, and it seems a more and more horrible prospect. I become panicked when I consider how little she knows (stranger danger, protecting oneself from bad influences, self-esteem, tying her shoes, etc.) against what the world will expect from her. She'll enter her classroom and I will have to wait outside to see the effect. This selection from The QC Report summed it up best:

Every time we let our children walk away from us, we’re practicing for the time they do it for keeps. And every time we let them go out into the world, even for a short time, some part of our brain thinks “No! Not yet! There’s no way she knows enough. I know for certain I haven’t taught him enough. Did I teach her the eyeball-gouging trick if someone tries to kidnap her? Did I get him to tolerate citrus fruit enough so he won’t die of scurvy? Did I impress upon them how unspeakably fragile I feel when I think about them doing something self-destructive? Does she know how I have never loved anyone on earth the way that I love her? Come back. Come back."

Five. I think Five is poised to break my heart. One was exciting; Two was sweet; Three was charming; Four has been hard, but Five. Five will break my heart. And it's already started. Some other mothers and I were speaking about our daughters at dance class and they warned me that Five for them has been emotional. No sooner had they said this (about a month or so ago) when it happened. Irrational, abject distress. M has been handling the no naps and our routine well until the other mothers spoke. Then, it was as if Pandora's box was opened. The other night, I was out to attend a meeting to pass our levy and when I came home, T said that she had taken umbrage to the purple curtains in her room. It would seem they were no longer "pretty." Wailing and distress ensued only to be ended with the promise that if it was still going on when Mommy arrive home....well....bad things would happen. At the time of these meltdowns, it's frustrating, but at the same time, so heartbreaking because you know that something is going on for which she doesn't have the language or emotional intelligence yet. I suspect this will begin to equalize this year.

Five. M's birthday is not all a maudlin remembrance of her life, it's also to wonder and anticipate. It's hard sometimes to have the ringside seats of parenthood not only for having to let your children go, but because the suspense is killing me. What will she be like in kindergarten? How will it impact her? What kinds of friends will she make? Will she keep ones from preschool? I'm looking forward to walking her to school more than I can say and having the walk home be one of sharing about our days. I am grateful beyond measure to be home so that I can see her every day for a significant amount of time.

Anyway, just some preliminary thoughts on Five. Can you imagine what a basket case I'll be at Six? *grin*

Girls, Girls, Girls

Recent Conversation

M: Do you know why sunflowers are called sunflowers?

Me: Because they look like the sun?

M: No (as if it's obvious that looking like the sun could NEVER be the reason), it's because they need the sun to grow.

Newsletter: March 2008

My Beautiful Girls,

Once again, March has proven to be a month of milestones for both of you.

E, you have spent most of March cooing and talking. Your cute little smile comes out when you pull your head down and shoulders up. It's fleeting and has yet to be captured on either a still or video camera, but the attempt continues. Your talking ranges from little peeps and squeaks to full on dialogue with who or whatever catches your fancy. You've also been known to talk with your mouth full (e.g., still nursing and not having the courtesy to detach yourself from my breast before making comments). Mommy would really appreciate all comments regarding food be submitted in triplicate to the appropriate authority.

Your favorite activity has been looking at your hands and trying so desperately to get your thumb in your mouth. In a side-lying position, you bring your hands up and stare at them intently. In an upward or other forward position, you like to move/wave your hands around in a way that reminds me of your Grandpa T when he's telling a story.

March has also been the month of trying a schedule. Once we achieved 100% nursing! (more on that in a future post), Mommy has been trying to regulate your eating, playing, sleeping cycle. Unfortunately, we're going to have to teach you to put yourself to sleep, but that is for in the next couple weeks, in the meanwhile, we're just trying to get you to sleep in the daytime. You, like your sister before you, are not such a great daytime napper. You have been, however, going to sleep between 8:00 p.m. and 9:00 p.m. and sleeping until 7:00 the next morning (I do get you up to eat around 11:00 p.m., but you sleep and eat).

Until we figured out your nighttime routine, your sleeping process was having Daddy march you through the house. We even created a dirge for him to hum along as he (and sometimes Mommy) performed the March. Many times, you tricked us into thinking you were ready to be placed in your bed only to look down at you and to see your eyes wide open at us as if to say, "You weren't really thinking you were done, did you?"

The final thing is that now that you have given up (for the time being) the 3:00 AM feeding and play time, I have to say that I miss that time. I used that time that you were awake to tidy your room, write thank you notes, and other assorted tasks. I also checked on your sister and made the rounds of the house, enjoying the quiet while everyone was asleep. One night, however, you fell back to sleep while nursing and while I held you, you quietly snuffled. Then, from across the hall, your sister started talking in her sleep, Daddy began snoring louder, and Bailey began whining. It was quite a cacophony in the middle of the night. I smiled and was grateful to be up at 3:00 AM to hear it, but don't necessarily need to hear it again on a regular basis.

As for you my darling M, you have changed so much this month. It's amazing to me that as a parent I miss the all the small moments that add up into one in which I see you in a whole new way and you redefine yourself. For example, most of the time when we go out to restaurants, you'd prefer it if Daddy or I ordered for you. One afternoon, you and I had been to get your haircut. Because we had other things going on, I called Daddy to see if he wanted to meet us downtown for dinner. He did, so we arranged to meet him and E there. You and I arrived and discussed dinner choices while we waited for Daddy and E. Once everyone arrived, the waitress came to take our order. When I confirmed with you what you wanted, you said to me, "No Mom, I'll order," and proceeded to do so as if you'd been practicing it. You were well-spoken, polite, poised, and sure of your choices. It was amazing to see how so many previous moments came together for that dinner.

You've also spent the month becoming even more self-sufficient. Mommy and Daddy put your breakfast out for you the night before so you don't have to wait for one of us (usually mommy is feeding E) in the morning. We've also been asking you to be more responsible for yourself by putting your laundry away. While you don't like putting yours away, you do often help me put E's away. I think it's your way of sizing up which clothes may be coming available to your dolls.

This was a milestone month for Daddy and I when we went and registered you for kindergarten. We've been talking about how we'll practice walking to school this summer and all the fun things that you'll do, but it was a bittersweet moment when we dropped off the paperwork. We have other informational meetings later this spring/early summer, but registering you feels like the first step towards a breakneck rush towards college. Now that it's here, it feels as if you will be gone so quickly and I just want to grab you and make time stand still. At the same time, though, you are endlessly fascinating to me and I'm so interested in what your friends will be like as you get older, what kinds of experiences you'll have, the impact of peers, etc. all the life changes that will help shape you.

March was also the month that you completed a 100 piece puzzle all by yourself. You've always been really good with puzzles, completing 24 piece puzzles when you were two. They (24 piece puzzles) were a great entertainment (and old hat by then) when we were in Nashville. Since then, you've progressed to more challenging pictures with more pieces. Usually, though, you've asked for help with the ones that are 100 pieces. So a couple mornings ago (3/31), you went to play and eat breakfast while I fed E. You told me you were working on a puzzle and, after a little while, you told me to come see you. When I did, I found you smiling and the puzzle complete. Since then, you've continued to work on puzzles with very little help from Dad or I. Sitting by is easier for Daddy but it bums me out because I love puzzles. I remember having a puzzle set up on a card table, especially during the winter. Perhaps this will be a future activity for us.

Finally, we were able to see and show off you both off during the Easter Holiday. E met her great grandma and various great aunts and uncles as well as her Aunt Birdie. A combination of E's feeding schedule, various illnesses (ours, theirs), crappy and cold weather, and our crazy February appointments made it really difficult to get out. Everyone was happy to see both of you and Daddy and I loved showing off our girls.

Love,
Mommy

Talking to the Animals

I know I'm due for a monthly newsletter and I have many other posts I'd like to write, but a quickie to tie us over.

E loves her room. I've posted pictures before of some of the artwork that my friend R did. One I didn't post was of a cross-stitched afghan that my mom did when M was born (the room was originally M's). We finally hung the afghan when we readied the room for E. Anyway, E looks at many elements of the room, but especially the wall hanging which is behind the chair when I nurse (the room has been moved around since the pictures below) and it's not uncommon for her to really stare at it when she can see it.

Tonight, as I was nursing, I was holding her on my left in the football hold, where she's positioned along my side with her feet behind me. Towards the end of the feeding, she'd stop nursing, turn and look at it for a few moments, then return to nursing. Twice, she felt the need to also smile, gurgle, and coo at it. She's a mystery.

Green

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