Thinking about the Miracle

As one may imagine, we've had a range of responses to E's Down Syndrome. Heck, T & I have have range of responses. As mentioned in our Family FAQ (see sidebar), the hardest part of telling people is that we never know what type of response we'll receive. By far and large, responses have been amazingly supportive, encouraging, and reassuring. Occasionally, though, we've encountered responses that we hope come from a lack of understanding or knowledge. As neither of our families have ever had a family member (to our knowledge) with DS or other birth defect, there hasn't been an opportunity to know the full range of abilities that these kids have.

The responses that are the hardest, are those when the respondent hopes for a miracle or for prayers that the DS will not be part of our lives. My visceral, mama bear response is indignation to the perceived insensitivity that chromosomal abnormalities are fixable. It's also the equivalent of the "I-can-say-what-I-want-about-my-family-member-but-woe-to outsiders-who-attack-them" response. Appreciating the prayers of those who are praying for us to have strength and grace to meet any demands, I try for understanding and recognize that the intent is for us, their loved ones, to be spared any heartache and distress. There's also a part of that tries for understanding because the responses are not anything that I haven't thought myself. E's DS is not something that we would have picked, and in my ignorance, I intellectually know that our lives will still be rich, but there's still fear of the unknown.

I've been thinking about this conflicting or dichotomy of my responses. It struck me the other day, that perhaps when people hope for the miracle that E is "fixed," that they're missing the point. Perhaps the true miracle is that T & I will be changed because of this experience. This, I think is what the real miracle will be.

Disadvantages of the Modern Dad

Me: "Oh look, Cinderella Barbie is doing a headstand."

Him: "Yes, at the end of our Barbie playing, we had a little headstand contest."

Me: "Very nice."

Him: "Frankly, after so much time, I'm at a loss about what to do with Barbie."

Now We Wait

As we begin to approach E’s B-Day, some random thoughts keep popping into my head:

1. Things I will miss about pregnancy:

· Knowing that E is as safe as she’ll ever be

· Not having to share her with anyone (I’m a selfish mama J)

· This is probably the last time I’ll ever have a life inside me again

2. Things I will not miss about pregnancy:

· Questions in the last weeks about any news – if you call and ask if there’s a baby yet, be prepared for scathing response

· Stupid comments about the tax break if E comes before the end of the year (Note: 1) the IRS prorates the tax rates. This is the government people, they’re not stupid. They know how to get their money; 2) Like the tax break is the sole reason to have kids. Riiiggght!)

· Assumption that I want this over with sooner rather than later - I think Mother Nature has a plan and I’m in no rush to have E here before her time. I take some comfort in knowing that there is an end game, I just don’t know when it will begin.

· The heartburn, I will not miss that

· Or the nausea, that too will not be missed

3. This pregnancy has been very different emotionally and physically than the first. Good difference from this one include:

· Being able to sleep in my bed! Not always comfortably, but at least able to lie flat. With Peeps, I was sleeping in a La-Z-Boy at month 5. On the flip side, I miss sleeping in the nursery. Somehow, it feels like that when I was sleeping in Peeps’ room, some magic mama powers infused the room with love and protection.

· Less weight gain which helps in moving about

· Once again blessed with a healthy pregnancy

· Better understanding of what I want from the birth experience

· A deeper appreciation for Big Daddy and all he contributes to the well-being of our family and how much he makes my life easy

Tender Family Moment

Sunday morning, snuggled in our bed

"When I get big and have my house, if there are spiders, I'm going to kill them."